Nonsexual Transmission of Internet Syphillis

John Hornor Jacobs infected me. I was asleep at the time, which in a counter-intuitive way makes it slightly less perverse. I don't know what the circumstances were between him and Daniel O'Shea, but I feel no responsibility to track this back to Kent Gowran, who I don't even fucking know, or any of the other predecessors. Patient zero is probably in the eighth grade. It is somewhat of a mystery why we all seem so susceptible to this particular infection, but I can only assume that writers - even part-time hacks such as myself - have little immunity when it comes to talking about ourselves, whether self-gratifying or not.

For both of you reading this who are not clan Jacobs or O'Shea, here are the rules of this meme:

• Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth – or – switch it around and tell six outrageous truths and one outrageous lie. (See below.)
• Nominate some more “Creative Writers” who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies of their own. (Check the end of this post.)
• Post links to the blogs you nominate.
• Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know that you have nominated them.

I will follow suit with those what came afore me and withhold whether truths outnumber lies or vice versa:

1. My great great great great Grandfather's brother was Jethro Tull. Not the band – like Luke Wilson in Armageddon, I also get annoyed when people think "Jethro Tull" is just a member of the band – but the Irish agrarian for whom the band is named.
2. When I was 19 I was toweled dry after a shower by a gay night clerk at a ritzy hotel in Innsbruck, Austria, who gave me a room for free because my hair was long and blond and because I was wearing a "San Francisco" sweatshirt.
3. More than 10,000 people in Japan know my face because they have seen me die on screen. I have received fan mail, though not for many years.
4. I was arrested, but not charged, for criminal mischief and disorderly conduct in San Marcos, TX. Even though I had been plenty disorderly that evening, it was a case of mistaken identity for the incident they had in mind at the time.
5. I know 13 computer languages, 3 spoken tongues, and the universal language of love.
6. I was once a member of a communal cult whose leader believes that he can cure cancer and change the weather.
7. In 1986 I got drunk on Jim Beam and Orange Crush with the members of the Delaware Destroyers backstage after a show in Little Rock, AR. George Thorogood made an appearance, but didn't stick around; I'm 95% sure he had a girl from the audience waiting for him in the hall.

I'll add another twist: these might all be true... or they might all be lies.

Scott Osborn and Chuck Plunkett, step to the podium please.